YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
