i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
