bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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