you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
