i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
