i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
