So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
