cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
