You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
