I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
