Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
