How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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