I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
