im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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