I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
