Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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