Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
