I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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