cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
