you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
