Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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