grandma shit on top of the toilet
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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