I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
