Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
