So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
