in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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