I wish they made helmets for livers.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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