Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
home. puking in laundry basket.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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