She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
