no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
