Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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