i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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