I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
