saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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