I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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