Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
