why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
