Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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