if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
