your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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