I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
