Where is the hickey?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
