He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
