I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
