Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
