I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
