i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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