Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
