how can u be prego again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
