I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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