Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
