Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
