The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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