A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
