Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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