You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
